CONFESSION TIME: Embracing Self-Love

• November 3, 2015 • Comments (0)

As I sit down to write this, I am still struggling with the concept of self-love a bit. Although everything that Rose said on Confessions this week about loving yourself is true, and she is the perfect example of the miracles that happen when you just surrender to loving yourself, there is still a resistance within me to let go 100%.

But here is where I find the difference to be in my own life. I no longer look in the mirror and cringe – although I am just as heavy at this moment as I have been most of my adult life. It’s not even my red face from roseacia that flames up constantly, or those big goofy glasses I have to wear when my contacts are out because I am blind as a bat.

It’s my behavior that I cannot seem to accept.

I am not acting in a state of self-love. I embrace who I am, inside and out. I see my own outer beauty amongst the flaws, and know I have a kick-ass personality and soul on the inside. I am quite content with who I am on multiple levels, and the criticism that used to hold me back no longer exists.

But I abuse myself, which is the worst form of self-love. Now that I have eliminated the emotional abuse, I need to take a good, long hard look at my physical abuse. It comes from the same trigger: I am not good enough. Even though I know I am—somehow I have to disprove it. But the emotional abuse isn’t working anymore. I don’t cry about my weight, I accept it. But what I do cry about is how I’m bloated because I eat foods with ingredients that I know are harmful to my body. That I’m broken out because of my obsessive sugar intake. That my eyes are puffy from not getting enough sleep because of wasteful tv watching and game playing.

If I claim to love myself, then how could I allow myself to repeat such detrimental behaviors over and over again? Not in moderation—excessively. Like a punishment. A CONSCIOUS punishment. I know exactly what I am doing, yet I don’t stop it. And that’s where we all need to dig deeper to the root of our self-hatred.

It really is not in the way we look, or in a character flaw that we perceive. It is in our behavioral patterns that cause such dissatisfaction where the true lack of self-love resides.

But I cannot be that hateful girl anymore. I am hurting myself, and by hurting myself, and I am hurting those who love me. So it’s not about a diet, or losing weight, or clearing my face up, or even being well-rested and energized. It’s about self respect. It’s about self worth. It’s about self LOVE, and I’m about to go get me some once and for all.

 

Below is my interview with Rose on the subject of love, and how it is a healer of all things. Enjoy!

Category: Confessions

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