Working 9-to-Freedom

• March 26, 2015 • Comments (0)

You know, as children we are raised to follow the norm of society—whatever that is for us at the time. For many of us, it was to graduate from high school, go to college, and then secure a good job while somehow figuring out how to marry and have the 2.5 kids. Not a bad plan. For many, it holds a lot of fulfillment, and for many years, it did for me as well.

But for many years since then, I have been resisting so much in my life, and wasn’t sure why. I chalked it up to the divorce and becoming a single mom, but getting real, things were not feeling right much longer than that. Although a workaholic by nature, very few tasks that I actually performed brought me much joy. But hey – I had a good job, with a good company, and that’s more than a lot of people had, so like many of us out there, I sucked it up and was grateful to even be employed.

But when something feels off, it’s off. You can’t deny it. I had thought that something was wrong with me, but all I have been feeling increasingly over these last few years was some kind of wall closing in on me. Time pressures. Monotony pressures. Criticism and authority pressures. It was all of that—but I never was able to put a finger on the truth of it—what is the source of this? I thought it was just a position I hated. But no, not really. It actually is much deeper than that.

I now have my finger on the pulse, and my heart beats rapidly with this knowingness.

A few weeks ago, I had booked a session with a hypnotherapist friend of mine, because I was curious about what she could help me uncover about my subconscious and my purpose here on Earth. What she did was help me to see 6-12 months into the future, and what I saw completely shocked me—to the point of deep, happy tears of joy.

I was a mom.

Yes – I am aware that I am a mom now, a single one to two amazing kids. But what I also am is a bonafide workaholic. Not because I have to be, because my 9-5 takes good care of me financially. But because something inside feels dead at my job, so I try to “work” or create, or whatever you want to call it, constantly after hours to get my happy fix—to the detriment of spending quality time with my children, unfortunately.

Well in this vision, I am with my kids, spending time with them. I have no real job – in fact, I have several different little projects that pay the bills, are fun, and give me a flexible schedule so that I can truly be their mom. They are 10 and 7, and these years are going to fly past, and seeing that vision made me see how deep down, I do not want workaholism, or work at all – I just want to be with them, as a family, and hopefully, someone will join that family soon. I have never realized how much being a family meant to me until I saw what was “possible.”

Funny, because just a few months ago, a good friend of mine was getting pretty philosophical with me, and asked, why isn’t being a mom enough for you? Why do you feel the need to have to be more, when that is such an important role to play in life? At the time, I held back my giggles. Me? Just a mom? Yeah, um, no, as I internally rolled my eyes at him at the very idea.

So you can imagine my surprise when I saw this vision—and a bigger surprise when I felt my emotional state and even physical body respond to this motherly possibility. Hmmm. I DO want to be kinda “just a mom” right now! Holy shit! That feels so right to me. How have I not seen this before? (Aside: I have mad love for full-time mommies; this is a judgment of myself, and my beliefs for myself, not of the motherhood society at all).

So this huge revelation led me to other meditations, and just 3 days later, as I was writing my morning pages, it came to me: I have been so structured my whole life that all I want is truly to have these little autonomous projects, and just jump from experience to experience and try new things. A 9-5 just doesn’t feel right to me anymore. Whoa! I felt so inspired and free knowing that I was about to break free and have this chance to redesign my work life. I had just given notice at my job, and although pressured by others to find another job before I transition out, I am resisting that, believing that I don’t have to, that something is opening up for me that’s better. Risky? Absolutely. Worth believing in? An Emphatic YES.

I then close my journal and literally right then open up The Artists Way (a book club/group I am currently involved in) to read Chapter 11, and what is in the very first paragraph? “I am an artist. I may find that a 9-5 steadies me and leaves me freer to create. Or I may find that a 9-5 drains me of energy and leaves me unable to create.” Just WOW. I was completely floored that this was the very first thing I read in this chapter. I felt like it was a confirmation.

And then later on that very same day, I saw this article on my newsfeed about how creatives feel stuck in 9-5’s (link: http://elitedaily.com/money/nine-fives-make-no-sense-creatives/954674/) and I can relate to every single point. This article explains why I have been struggling at my job for so very long, and have felt so unfulfilled.

I hate the restriction of time. I can’t ever get to work on time, though I can stay up for hours on end finishing up my day late. I like settling in every morning at my own pace. I would love to take a break midday to just be with the kids when they come home. I feel so confined reporting to so many people and forced to do everything their way, pushing my little creative aside day after day. I hate hearing my email going off all day long, worried that if I don’t stop that very second to check it, I will be in trouble for not responding instantly. Ugh!! Time to break these chains.

For me and my path right now, it makes complete sense that I feel called to leave the 9-5 world for a while and just explore what is out there. Who knows where it can take me. Maybe I will be a freelance blogger, getting paid to express the written word in my own way. Maybe I can help a business with a marketing plan and do some designing, or help a few people with a resume to find their perfect job. Or maybe I will work alongside the dolphins in an aquarium, garden in an arboretum or teach workshops at a local yoga studio. Who knows? There are many ways to pay the bills while experiencing life. What I DO know is what my inner artist needs, and she is going to get it. Even if it causes her to fall down, she will get it. Because I know she has the power to get right back up.

Why the hell would I forgo the stability of a great-paying job with as many personal benefits as I have professional benefits? For freedom. For creativity. “I need to create what wants to be created.” For a life designed by my heart <3

Category: My Reflections Blog

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